Friday, March 05, 2010


JSH: Depressing reality, prime reality

There is a lot of satisfaction with having my own axiom, which I had the honor of naming as I'm the discoverer, which is of course, the prime residue axiom, and yes, posters can reply in the negative or derisively, but there you see the difference between finding something and talk.

Anyone can rip on anything. But who could actually find the prime residue axiom? I did.

But now comes the depressing part, which I realize every time I discover something, which is another reason in actuality for me to stop, if I cared for recognition, because every discovery makes recognition more unlikely as it makes my research that much more threatening.

So it could be decades now. Having reached 40 it occurs to me that I don't have any juice left for major discoveries anyway. It is a young person's game, and unfortunately mostly a young man's game. Given my experiences I wonder if maybe there are fewer women discoverers because they don't like to argue! (Hmmm…does that sound right?) Or maybe it's just chance or something else. I feel confident there will be women who make major discoveries at my level and beyond, someday.

But it's a young person's game. Which is another way I think to understand that sadly, no, a lot of "mathematicians" today aren't doing valid research, in my opinion. Young people make the major breakthroughs. Not old geezers.

But old geezers running things in the math world today I'm sure do not give a damn about how primes behave between each other in a way that explains that sense of random with primes. I don't think the old geezers could care less about the answers. I think they're too old to care. They care more about their mortgages, the stature they've accrued, etc. crap that is ultimately meaningless, but oh so enticing to the weak minded.

I feel sorry for some of you. With answers to such deep questions so close to live in a world that may refuse to get to them because some people have their NEEDS. Like their need for tenure when I've promised to try and abolish it. Or their need to protect their egos when my research shatters the lie of their "accomplishments".

While I feel satisfied with the answers I have, so it's free and easy for me. And I get to live in a world where I know reality unlike anyone else, because I know how far some people can go to lie, and how the world lets them. But our world is an efficiency built upon billions of years. The only reality we have, it was here before any of us got here, it will be here long after we're gone.

I'm fine with reality. Its answers are beautiful and I know some of them. It's not my problem if most of you don't, won't, but will pretend that you do. When you're gone, the world will spin just the same.

I have my own axiom. It's so weird. I find it harder and harder to see myself the same way as each day goes by, and harder to do the things I did before, as I contemplate it. You know it took me over 3 1/2 years to even put it out as an axiom? Before I just posted it as, hey, primes might not care about their residues modulo each other. And didn't quite maybe consciously make the leap though on some level I'm sure I knew. And it took me over three years to dare say.

Sometimes I imagine myself as someone in a ship that moved a high velocity against first the sound barrier, to break through it, and shoot ever more rapidly in the ensuing silence. I can see myself as this dart of a ship that is a blur, all alone and moving more rapidly at increasing speed until…what's next?

There is a Universe in front of me.

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