Thursday, May 05, 2005


JSH: Letting it drop

It's been fun, this hobby of mine of fiddling with simple math equations, and arguing about my work, but I'm increasingly concerned that maybe it's gotten a bit out of hand.

Like, I actually had a family member who didn't realize I'd deleted the mathforprofit blog and someone took it over, who actually thought that maybe it was me, ranting and raving on the blog, like that I'd completely lost it.

And yes, I am an intense person, and I've often taken this Quixotic quest of pushing against "math society" and finding my own major discoveries very seriously, but I've also had the luxury of looking at it as an odd hobby, possible because of our high tech tools.

But increasingly I'm getting a feeling that others have gone way overboard, with the webpages, and especially with the blog thing, and it's just not nearly as much fun as it used to be, and not nearly as easy for me to just dismiss Usenet antics as just, Usenet antics.

The other fear, of course, is that others won't just let go, but I can't control what other people do, but I can control what I do, and to me, it looks like it's time to hang up the "JSH", move on to other things, like focusing more on open source, and on other personal projects, to occupy my free time.

Math was fun for a while, occupied my attention for years, but now, it's "been there, done that" time.

It has been a wild ride. It has been often truly crazy, as in, actually crazy, with a bizarre cast of characters, and some massive adventures as far as I'm concerned, from meetings with mathematicians (yes I've met with more than one) to contacts with journals around the world, and wacky editor replies (and you didn't get them all) to
hearing from people from other countries who have been, yes, at times, very oddly hostile--especially Brits and Aussies, as well as people from the Netherlands for some odd reason--to some very nice people who have been very supportive.

Actually there have been quite a few very supportive people over the years, from quite a few countries, which just goes to show you how connected the world actually is, not just as an abstraction, but as easy as going out on Usenet, and posting.

It is an addictive experience to be sure, and one that doesn't often seem to be substantive, like I often wonder what I was really doing.

But it is something to do. You know?

And thinking about stepping away doesn't bother me, at all, while I wonder if I'll ever look back, and see it as something more.

Was there really much to it at all? Did it all really matter?

Who knows?

Now it's on to more adventures. Maybe I'll find some other Quixotic quest to satisfy my thirst for intellectual adventure, and maybe I'll find some other people to argue with, as I do love to argue.

Adventure is where you find it.

The future is out there, and my path moves on, beyond...

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